My life has been a lie. I have lived the last 40 odd years as someone else.
Someone I couldn’t identify with. Someone who lived in my body but was not of me. Someone who took control but was never really in control.
Who was this person?
Why did she inhabit my body?
What was her purpose in doing so?
She kept me hidden.
She kept me afraid.
She kept me silent.
I think she truly believed she was doing the best she could for me but where has this led me? Us?
I grew into a woman who didn’t know.
I didn’t now how to live in this world.
I didn’t know how to live in this body.
I didn’t know how to speak this truth.
I was living a lie. A lie I never asked for. A lie that consumed my every waking moment. And still does.
This lie has kept me safe.
But this lie has kept me afraid.
Afraid of what lies beneath.
Afraid of knowing who I really am.
Afraid of living my truth.
This lie has held me back in so many ways.
I am in pain. Not physically but mentally. Emotionally.
The pain is like glue. It keeps me stuck. Because I have no idea what is beyond the pain.
The pain is familiar. It is what I know.
The lie and the pain are in cahoots.
They whisper behind my back and create a life I do not dare question. I do not dare change. I do not dare run away from.
They hold me down like a frightened animal. Pretending to soothe me but they want to keep me locked in a cage. Stuck. Unable to roam free. Unable to go out into the world with the joy of who I am.
They have taken that away from me.
The lie and the pain have worked me into submission.
I am now at their mercy. Living my life the way they tell me to.
I have no say. I try to speak up but they silence me with their sharp tongue and their cruel words.
I am once again put back in my place.
I am stuck. I am caged. I am cornered and scared.
How do I escape?
How do I free myself from this miserable way of life?
How do I release myself from the grip the lie and the pain have on me?
I am suffocating. I cannot breathe. I am gasping for air.
I want to breathe freely again. I want to release myself from the cage and breathe in fresh, free air.
I know there is a way out.
What is it? How do I release myself?
My truth, the truth of who I am…
I can feel her moving inside of me. She is restless. She wants to be released. She NEEDS to be released.
She doesn’t want to die.
She is pacing up and down inside the cage, looking for a way out. She can see her life beyond the cage. She can smell it. She can FEEL it.
It is calling to her.
There has to be a way out.
Where is the key? What is it that will finally unlock the cage, fling open the door and let me run free?
Run out into the truth of who I am and embrace my long lost friend. My essence. My SELF.
I know it’s here somewhere. Hiding in the dark.
I keep feeling around for it but I can’t find it.
Is this it? No, just a piece of straw.
Is this it? No, just a bloody stick.
I want to scream but my voice feels weak. I want to shout but my voice cannot find the words.
Why can’t I speak?
What is keeping me silent?
Why am I so afraid of the lie and the pain? What hold do they have over me that I can’t escape from?
Is my truth, my SELF really that bad that I have to keep her hidden away?
She knows she’s pretty fucking awesome. Why don’t I?
Because I am the lie and the pain. I have become them because the truth of who I am felt too much.
She felt too big for this world.
She was dismissed, destroyed, damaged and abandoned.
She wasn’t able to live in a world where no one understood her. Where no one believed in her. Where no one loved her.
But I love her. I do.
I have allowed others to dictate her presence. Her being.
I have allowed others to change her into someone else.
I have allowed that someone else to reside in her place.
I wasn’t strong enough to fight for her.
I am now.
I am ready.
I’m ready to dig around in the dark for as long as it takes to find the key. I feel it’s presence. I feel it there, somewhere; waiting for me.
It won’t be easy but I am willing to keep going.
I have to fight for myself again. I have to fight for the truth of who I am to be released.
Courage to believe in my SELF again and courage to keep fighting even in those moments where the lie and the pain rise up together in a united attack.
I have grown weary. All this fighting has left me feeling defeated.
I don’t really want to fight. Not any more. I just want to be me again.
Can’t I (we) live without all this fighting?
I know there is a way to live harmoniously.
Trust in who we are. Trust in our SELF.
Courage will guide us through.
Trust will propel us forward.
This combination allows us to live from our truth. Because without our truth we are nothing more than a somebody else, a lie; living in the body we have been given to have the most amazing experiences, the most amazing relationships, the most amazing life here on this earth.
Let’s not waste this valuable time any more living a lie.
I am ready to speak my truth. To own my truth . To BE my truth.
To be my SELF.
If you are ready, even a teeny, tiny little bit; then I welcome you into the Positively You Program.
A 6-week Holistic Program empowering women to Listen, Learn and Love.
Listen to the Woman within.
Learn who you truly are.
Love every single part of you again.
You absolutely deserve to know YOUR truth and discover your SELF again.
To find out more, please use the button below.
I see you, Beautiful.
Time to LISTEN, LEARN and LOVE.