Raising Love Episode 9

The Mould & The Rules

As women, I believe our lives can be set out for us. We are given a set of rules and obligations to live by and if we deviate from those, then there must be something wrong with us. We are given a mould at birth that we all must try to fit into, along with a set of rules for living the life of a woman.

If we don’t fit into the mould then we couldn’t possibly live in society and function properly. We are outcasted as a rule-breaker or the black sheep of the family. Or we must have issues that nobody knows how to deal with (or wants to), we must be losing our minds to want to be anything other than what we have been told we must be.

And, this mould? Who the hell designed it? Who decided that every single one of us must be this particular woman? Who wrote the rules?

Isn’t it exhausting trying to bend and break ourselves to fit in it?

I know I’m exhausted.

Listen in to know more.

About Raising Love

Raising love within yourself as only you can.

It’s time to raise ourselves up with love and discover who we truly are inside. Without all of the punishment, hurt and unworthiness driving us into despair.

Raising love involves all women whose bodies and minds are filled with hate, anger, frustration, self-loathing, sadness, loneliness. And whose bodies have been punished over the years because of how you have felt about yourself for way too long.

Because you are a woman who is smart, funny, kind, loving, mindful, caring, inspiring, powerful, strong, bold and passionate. You have dreams, ideas and feelings which should not be dismissed. By anyone. Especially you.

This podcast is for all of you beautiful women who have said “ENOUGH”.

Whoever you are right in this very moment. Wherever you have come from. Wherever you are headed.

It’s time to raise love within yourself.

More ways to Raise Love

Hi, I’m Kelly and welcome to the Raising Love podcast. Raising love within yourself as only you can.

Brought to you by LOVE body and the Positively You program.

Here we are another beautiful week.

I hope you have been having an amazing week.

And, what has this last week looked like for you?

Have you lived YOUR life or have you lived the life you think you’re supposed to live?

See, as woman I believe our lives can be set out for us. We are given a set of rules and obligations to live by and if we deviate from those, then there must be something wrong with us. We are given a mould at birth that we all must try to fit into, along with a set of rules for living the life of a woman.

If we don’t fit into the mould then we couldn’t possibly live in society and function properly. We are outcasted as a rule-breaker or the black sheep of the family. Or we must have issues that no body knows how to deal with (or wants to), we must be losing our minds to want to be anything other than what we have been told we must be.

And, this mould? Who the hell designed it? Who decided that every single one of us must be this particular woman? Who wrote the rules?

Isn’t it exhausting trying to bend and break ourselves to fit in it?

I know I’m exhausted.

I spent well over 30 years busting my ass to fit into this mould. I starved myself (not for long because I was a food addict), I ate wayyyyyyy too much because I wasn’t able to fit into society’s bullshit rules of what a woman was supposed to look like, I punished myself constantly with food, I thought if only I was skinny then I could be accepted.

But it never happened.

And I’m glad it didn’t.

But this mould of what a woman is supposed to look like goes beyond what she is supposed to look like. It’s not just the mould, it’s those fucking rules we have had to abide by for thousands of years.

So, what is a woman good for?

Well, she is good for bearing children, keeping a clean house, looking good while doing everything for everyone, keeping her husband happy, the children happy… but where is her happiness?

Well, she doesn’t get any because she is just a woman. She doesn’t have needs. She doesn’t have desires or wants. She can’t possibly want to be anything other than a mother and a wife.

Now, I love being a mother and a wife. But I have chosen this for myself. But I am so much more beyond these roles. This one-size-fits-all mould.

I’m still discovering who that is exactly but there is definitely more to me than the traditional women’s role.

And, of course, men have rules that they need to live by as well. This does work both ways. This isn’t discounting what men have to deal with, but for this podcast I do love to talk about women, so that is what we will focus on.

So, what other shitty rules do woman have to live by? Can you think of any? If you can send them through. Let’s open up the discussion in this. You can email them to welcome@lovebody.com.au or send me a message via Facebook or instagram and I’ll be happy to share them.

I was visiting my mum a couple of weeks ago. She is in a nursing home. I was looking through her draws for something and I came across an old school book of hers.

It is from her domestic science class back in 1958. My mum would’ve been 13 at the time.

She had hand written all of these notes about what a woman is supposed to do with her day and how she is supposed to be.

Here are a couple of examples:

A house can only be efficiently run if the work is planned and carried out methodically. If the house work is not planned then the house wife will get in a muddle. The home may become dirty and untidy, the meals will be irregular and the children will become neglected and dirty. The house wife herself should be clean and tidy and wear comfortable and suitable clothing.

Then my mum wrote lots of ways to keep a house nice and clean, how to cook, wash up, set a table. This is the shit that woman had to learn only just a few short decades ago.

That the only place for a woman in society was in the home. Keeping it clean and respectable. Raising the kids and ensuring the husband was not bothered.

If you had a job you gave it up once you had children and were expected to be housewife for the rest of your life. You went to college or university to meet a husband, instead of having your own fulfilling life and career.

The list does go on. There are so many crazy, ridiculous rules literally written down for women so they don’t forget their place in this world.

And, unfortunately, a lot of those rules keeping moving into one generation after the other.

But, fortunately, women are coming out of this patriarchal slumber and realising they ARE more than just a house wife.

However, there is much work to do.

We need to band together, grab our sledgehammers and fucking knock this mould to smithereens.

And, believe in ourselves again as women. The trust in who we are has been lost. It’s still there, we just need to give ourselves permission to find it.

Because you know who you are as a woman. You know deep inside you what your place on this earth is.

And, this isn’t to say that if you absolutely love being a housewife and mother that you can’t do that. This is about choice. And we have to allow each and every one of us to live in our choice how we choose to live it.

We judge each other because someone wants to stay at home with their kids, we judge the mother who wants to go back to work, we judge the woman who doesn’t want kids, we judge the woman who kicks ass in the boardroom, we judge the woman who isn’t the skinny woman we’d like her to be, we judge each and every part of who we are and each and every part of who they are.

We can’t bloody win!

So, in order for these fucked up rules to come to an end we need to unite in our fight against them.

We must love who we are and also love the woman who is completely different to us. Who makes choices we don’t understand, who lives a life we are too scared to live.

This is why the mould needs to be broken because this mould does not suit us as woman. This mould was designed to keep us in line, keep us fighting ourselves and keep us from being who we actually are. The list of rules needs burned.

We all want to fit in, right?. It’s instinctual. It’s tribal.

But we also have the ability to override that desire.

It is ok for each and every one of us to be our own beautiful and unique selves.

We don’t all have to the look the same (BORING!), we don’t all need to live the same, we don’t all need to be the same.

We may as well be machines then.

We do have the power to change them. It takes you and me and all of us amazing women.

You may not believe you have what it takes but you do. And it doesn’t even have to be a huge thing. You don’t need to go on social media and make a massive statement if you don’t want to. You can just find one rule that you know deep down does not sit well with you and decide to break it.

Such as, you must do all the housework because you are the woman in the family. No. If there are other people living in your house then they should do it too. It is everyones responsibility to clean up after themselves. You cannot be doing that for them all the time. You will exhaust yourself.

What’s another bullshit rule that needs to be broken?

That a woman must be skinny in order to be beautiful.

That’s a huge one. And this one causes so much damage. It sure did with me.

I could never achieve that ideal and I absolutely hated myself for it. I thought I was hopeless, that I couldn’t do anything right so I ate all of that hate.

I punished myself, I obsessed about losing weight every single second of the day and it was torture. Self inflicted torture because I didn’t, and couldn’t, fit into the fucken mould. That skinny mould some asshole told me that was what I should be.

Every day we punish ourselves with too much food, too little food, too much exercise, not enough exercise because we believe we are supposed to be this one person.

We have to dress the same, look the same. Have our hair nice, our makeup done, nails done, perfect clothes. The whole thing. And if we don’t, then we are a failure as a woman because the rules state that we must be like this every day.

It is such a struggle sometimes to let go of these rules. They are so ingrained into the fabric of our womanhood.

But it only takes one woman to say no for others to listen. Some will think she is a crazy woman for daring to even question the rules. The rules are there to keep us safe and secure.

There’s rules about the kind of job we should have, who we should marry, how to raise the kids, how big our house should be, what kind of car we should drive all so we can be accepted.

And we blindly follow because we don’t know any different. Our family, our culture, society; all have a say in how our lives should look.

So, how do we change all of this when it feels like such a huge undertaking?

Listen to yourself. You know what doesn’t feel right. You know deep down there are parts to your life that feel as though someone else has steered you there.

I want you to know it is ok for you to change parts of your life. To break some rules. The most important thing is you begin to LIVE. To live YOUR life.

There may be some people hurt in the process but if they truly love you then they will eventually understand if you give them the chance to get to know the new you.

You deserve to live your life. And by living your most inspired and beautiful life, you will inspire others to live theirs.

Especially, if you have children. You won’t hurt them by being true to yourself. You will encourage them to continue breaking even more rules.

Living true to yourself is one of the greatest gifts you can give yourself.

So, find out what rules you are living by that you know deep down are not who you truly are.

Shake up your life a little bit. Bring those around you along for the ride with you. Invite them to break the rules with you. It’s more fun when you can do it together anyway.

Of course, I am not encouraging you to break any laws here.

Though, there are still many many countries which have brutal and severe laws that restrict women from living their lives.

I did a internet search for crazy laws against women, hoping to find some really silly laws. Which I did. Apparently women in Vermont must have their husband permission to wear false teeth and in Michigan women cannot cut their own hair without their husbands permission. Ridiculous.

These are silly but there are way too many serious laws, rules, that prohibit women from being anything other than the property of a man.

So, let’s unite and live our best lives for those who cannot. Because if you do, it might just inspire a woman to break free.

It will take some time for things to change but they are already changing. This last decade has seen so many women turn things around.

We are growing stronger and we are determined to keep fighting.

We must keep fighting. It is important for our girls who watch us with uncertainty. Who watch us for the answers. Who will one day become women.

Let’s show them that it is ok for us to be who we are. That it is ok for them to be who they are. We do not need to conform. We do not need to accept the rules. That it is imperative we break these rules and we shatter the mould and embrace our own unique mould.

Spread the word and tell every woman and girl you can.

It will be scary. It will be challenging. It will be frightening to break free from all that you have known.

But just think about how liberating it will be feel free. To feel who you are. To welcome in all of who you are as a woman.

Find out what this is for you. And do it. Slowly but surely. Or fast and furious.

Your choice. Always your choice.

Only you know what must be done for you.

Now go do it.

Thank you so much for listening, beautiful. This really is a dream come true for me.

I spent so much of my life being quiet, not speaking up, staying small that I forgot I have a voice worth listening to.

You may not always agree with what I say and that’s ok.

This is a conversation between us. Yes, I have lots to say but I also want to hear what you have to say.

So, leave me a comment, email me your thoughts, get in touch and let me know what conversations you’d like to have.

But before you go, I invite you to find out more about the Positively You program.

Inside the program there are so many more ways you can begin to break the mould and break those shitty rules.

You will learn how to find your own unique, inspiring and beautiful life that belongs only to you.

Are you ready to find yours?

Use the link in the show notes to find out more.

Continue raising love within yourself. Speak soon.

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